Sunday, September 25, 2016

A Pitch-Black, Lonely Place

In an attempt to help break the stigma of anti-depression medication, a stigma which I myself battle with in my own brain despite how much said medication has helped me manage my depression and anxiety to a degree that has propelled me to new avenues in life, and helped me focus and achieve my goals, I am publicly declaring that yes, I need that medication to survive and to live a normal life. My attempt to come off the medication 3-4 times now has always ended the same way: a cruel reminder of a chemical imbalance that leads me to a pitch-black, lonely place. But thanks to medical science, I have an avenue, in the form of a very affordable pill, to help me function.

I am not ashamed. I am not weak. I am a recovering alcoholic and addict with a history of depression and anxiety. I have a chemical imbalance that I need medication for, and despite what others (and sometimes myself) might think, this does not cheapen or belittle the accomplishments I've made since being on medication. Through science, I am able to live and breathe and move forward. And there's not a damn thing wrong with that.

May this post serve as a reminder for myself that just because I'm feeling good, doesn't mean that shitty chemical imbalance won't exist anymore if I try to come off my meds. Let's not try this again, Donny. Stay the course. If it works, don't fuck with it.

And to those that have never battled with depression, panic, anxiety, addiction, etc, please understand that mental illness is a disease that must be treated like any other disease, whether through medication, compassion, or other means. No one chooses this. It happens, it affects real people, and I, for one, will never be silent about how real it is.

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