Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Wide Awake

Time to talk about life.

Some of you may have noticed that my obsession with Trek and other bits of fandom has calmed down significantly in the past couple of months. I've been taking some time to focus on things that I've neglected due to my obsessions, namely my social life and my growth as a human being.

Moderation and I have never been friends when it comes to addictions and obsessions. Never worked with alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, or junk food. For most things, it's all or nothing for this guy.

But some things I will have to learn to moderate, lest I become a one-dimensional or incomplete version of my true self. I don't want to live in a fanboy fantasy, nor do I want to live a life void of those silly things I love (and have made a career out of). I have to get back in touch with the more well-rounded Donny I once was. Separating myself from the obsessions for a bit and focusing on me and those dear people close to me is necessary to achieve a balance.

Life is all about growth, and stagnation equals death. Self-reflection, in the wake of a trying time, has allowed me to feel some feels, good and bad, that I didn't allow myself access to for a while.

I
Am
Now
Wide
The
Fuck
Awake

Sunday, September 25, 2016

A Pitch-Black, Lonely Place

In an attempt to help break the stigma of anti-depression medication, a stigma which I myself battle with in my own brain despite how much said medication has helped me manage my depression and anxiety to a degree that has propelled me to new avenues in life, and helped me focus and achieve my goals, I am publicly declaring that yes, I need that medication to survive and to live a normal life. My attempt to come off the medication 3-4 times now has always ended the same way: a cruel reminder of a chemical imbalance that leads me to a pitch-black, lonely place. But thanks to medical science, I have an avenue, in the form of a very affordable pill, to help me function.

I am not ashamed. I am not weak. I am a recovering alcoholic and addict with a history of depression and anxiety. I have a chemical imbalance that I need medication for, and despite what others (and sometimes myself) might think, this does not cheapen or belittle the accomplishments I've made since being on medication. Through science, I am able to live and breathe and move forward. And there's not a damn thing wrong with that.

May this post serve as a reminder for myself that just because I'm feeling good, doesn't mean that shitty chemical imbalance won't exist anymore if I try to come off my meds. Let's not try this again, Donny. Stay the course. If it works, don't fuck with it.

And to those that have never battled with depression, panic, anxiety, addiction, etc, please understand that mental illness is a disease that must be treated like any other disease, whether through medication, compassion, or other means. No one chooses this. It happens, it affects real people, and I, for one, will never be silent about how real it is.